Growing and Learning
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting here lately. I think it’s because the year is drawing to a close, so it feels like an appropriate time for reflection. And looking back, it boggles my mind to think how about the huge, terrifying twists and turns my faith has traveled through over the last year. The person I am now, the perspective I have now about God and faith and what it means to be a committed follower of Christ—it’s all virtually unrecognizable compared to the faith I had a little more than a year ago.
I’ve been told by some whom I love that this is a bad thing. That I’ve fallen off the wagon, I’ve strayed from the path, I’ve let the world taint the rightness of my walk with God.
At first I was tormented by the thought that they might be right. Now I’m not anymore. Instead, I feel like my spiritual growth has been positively exponential during this past year. A desire has awakened in me. It’s something inexplicable and exhilarating all at once. Every day now I’m thinking about God and what he means to me, or I’m writing about my faith here, or I’m cracking open my Bible and letting its words bore into my heart and mind in a way they never have before. I’m learning to invest myself deeply into this Christian walk, and I’m learning, little by little, to let go of my preconceived notions about who God is.
It’s so interesting to me how the hills and valleys of Christian spirituality work. If you look through my archives, you’ll see posts like this one where I was weary to death of all the searching. I was ready to toss the books and podcasts and blogs aside and quit learning from them. Today, though, I’m more grateful than ever for these resources. I’m grateful for these men and women of God who have so fearlessly shared their thoughts and experiences with the world. I’m grateful because their journeys have played a role in shaping mine. And that is exactly what the Body of Christ is supposed to do.
Today I’m not weary. I’m eager, and I’m hopeful. And my heart is bursting with the gladness of knowing that my God is good. All the time. And I think I’ve tapped into that joy because I’ve been facing my doubts head-on. I’ve been honest with myself and I’ve asked the hard questions and right now, where I am…there’s no way I could ever not believe in God. And I know that belief is mine, because I’ve given myself the freedom to wonder if the alternative might be true. And in my head, a world without God, a world without my savior…is downright inconceivable.
So I’m going to keep plugging on. I’m going to keep developing, learning, growing. I’m going to keep anticipating what new lessons in boldness, love, humility, faith, gentleness, etc., etc., God has planned to teach me. Because I love Him, and He is, and always will be, my Lord and Savior.