Crap. I’ve Been “Playing God”.
If there is anything I need to hear right now, it’s this message. This absolutely rocked. my. world. Turned it upside down and ripped to pieces everything I thought I knew about morality and judging others. I can’t figure out whether this message is just too good to be true, too freaking liberating, or if it’s the truest thing I’ve heard in a long time. All I know is that I walked away from it absolutely humbled, and filled with the knowledge of how very little I know about how to live righteously.
As I listened, I felt so deeply convicted about the line of thinking I’ve been fostering lately. Criticizing my church for wringing the Old Testament for all it’s worth, but teaching so very little about Jesus. Criticizing my father for his iron-tight grip on fundamentalism (I love you, Dad!). Pretty much criticizing anyone who isn’t going through what I’m going through—criticizing them for feeling secure in their faith when I feel anything but secure, and assuming as a result that their security is false.
In short, hearing this pastor, Jonathan Martin, talk through the truth of original sin, the pervasive need we as human beings have to put “good” and “evil” into neat little categories and shout out loud about others’ evil and our own good, made me realize how much I’ve been doing the same thing a lot lately.
So, to anyone who is reading this: I’m sorry if in my struggles to figure out my faith, I have ridiculed yours. I’m sorry I’ve been so graceless in my criticism of the church. I’m sorry I’ve used a megaphone when it comes to pointing out all the things evangelical Christianity has screwed up, but can barely get out a whisper when speaking of my own flaws and my own sinful ways of thinking.
It’ll be hard, but I’m going to try to work on repenting of all those harmful thoughts and words, and speak to those around me with a little more grace, even though that can be so hard when my mind is bursting with confusion, and that confusion often manifests itself in careless words about Christianity.
Anyway, please have a listen to the sermon that inspired this apology for me. I know it’s long, but it is really really worth listening to! The sermon I’m talking about is “Playing God” on the date 8/11/13 (can’t link to it specifically, just to the directory of sermons).