Homosexuality: Is It Okay by God or Not?! I Want an Answer Already!
A word of warning: this post isn’t going to be pretty. And it’s going to be quite rambly and unfocused.
A while back I posted about fence-sitting, and how I sometimes feel wishy-washy because I haven’t taken a stand on a lot of big issues. In that post, I wrote that this place where I am is okay, and that I’m on a journey of discovery and that I need to be patient about seeking these answers.
But today I don’t feel that way. Today I’m so angry, and frustrated, and upset with myself. Frustrated with this sense of paralysis, this gut-wrenching fear in the face of taking a stand about my beliefs. See, I’m still participating in the comments section of this blog post. And the stuff I’m reading there, as well as the LGBT-affirming arguments I’ve read elsewhere, are pushing me closer and closer to breaking through that glass wall I talked about in my last post. The idea that God blesses same-sex marriage seems so easy, so clear, so right when I read those comments.
Then I called my mom. And I talked to her about all this, about my feelings and opinions and whatnot. And she stated to me with so much conviction, so much certainty, that homosexuality is wrong. I know she didn’t mean to – and she certainly didn’t imply anything of the sort – but talking with her made me feel like questioning her interpretation is the same as questioning my very Creator. And then I thought about all the other people in my life who I love deeply, people who I cherish and admire and respect so much.
And I think, what am I doing?! What am I doing, questioning these people’s ideas about homosexuality? They’re so much older than me, so much wiser and so much more knowledgeable than I am. I mean really, what do I know?
But here’s the thing…the thing I cannot lose sight of in all this…the thing that keeps me looking heavenward. My loved ones, my pastor, my church, and even my religious tradition don’t speak for God. All are flawed, all make mistakes, all have the capacity, just as I do, to treat the scriptures wrongly.
So where does that leave me? My mom might be wrong to say homosexuality is a sin. I might be wrong because the idea that God blesses same-sex relationships makes so much more sense to me than my mom’s ideas. As I’ve so frustratingly discovered, there are a multitude of ways to interpret the biblical passages about homosexuality, and most are quite well thought out, and fit into some sort of larger biblical framework – and they all make arguments that are in direct opposition to each other! What the blazes am I supposed to believe?!
So that’s where my feelings are…today, at least. Maybe tomorrow will bring some new enlightenment that I hadn’t considered before.