So, I was thinking today about the fact that I’ve been sitting on the fence about a lot of different hot-button issues for a good while. I hate that I can’t choose a position and take a stand one way or the other; it makes me feel like I’m a cop-out, or I’m wishy-washy, or I’m indecisive.
But there’s nothing that should make me feel like a cop-out about the fact that I’ve read and reread passages in the Bible that explicitly mention homosexuality so many times that I have most of them memorized. Or that I’ve thoroughly read the best arguments from both camps.
There’s nothing wishy-washy about having devoured books and articles explaining the science of evolution and the science of creationism. Or that I’ve read the Creation story and the Flood story over and over and over again, willing myself (unsuccessfully) to believe that they don’t read like fiction instead of fact.
There’s nothing indecisive about me picking apart scripture, word by word and phrase by phrase, and becoming astounded at the sheer number of paradoxes and things that don’t add up to be found within these pages. It’s mind-boggling!
I think I’m being too hard on myself. I’m not fence-sitting. I’m searching. I’d been sitting at the starting line of my faith for so long, and now I’m starting this journey, taking my first few hesitant steps. That’s all. I’m in a process of discovery. I’m sure that, with diligence, and prayer, and thought, and more studying (and probably a whole lot of tears too), I will come to take on position on homosexuality, Biblical inerrancy, and human origins. I’m just not there yet; it takes patience.